Shoo fly, don't both-...oh, screw it, I'll just kill you

Recently, I have noticed a rather large amount of flies flying around buildings, houses, kitchens, Lia's bedroom, the office--pretty much everywhere except where they're supposed to be, which is outside.

My dad showed me a rather interesting way to kill a fly, that has a "97.5% success rate." Though it may disturb the more squeemish of us, I think that some of you will find it helpful.

I now present to you our model, Jonathan Lehrer, in "Fly Away to Die*."

*No flies (or Photoshop files) were harmed in the making of this demonstration

Step 1: Convince the fly to land on a flat surface, like a countertop or table. This won't work if a fly is on a vertical surface.

Step 2:

Do NOT attempt to kill the fly by hovering your hand over the fly and bringing it down on the fly, as shown above. The fly WILL escape.

Step 3:

Place your hands a few inches above the counter, palms flat, thumbs pointed up, each hand on either side of the fly. Say goodbye to Mr. Fly.

Step 4:

Quickly clap your hands together. "Flies always fly up, like a helicopter," fly expert Jonathan Lehrer explained. "The movement of the hands scares the fly. Flies fly up, because that's just the direction they fly. The amount of time it takes to clap your hands is the exact amount of time it takes the fly to move 3-4 inches above the table, which puts them right between your palms."

Step 5:

You have successfully killed a fly in the palm of your hands. You may want to wash your hands with soap. You can estimate the amount of time you should wash your hands by singing the entire score of the HMS Pinafore.

Step 6:

Relax, and enjoy your fly-less house. Newspapers are for reading, not fly-swatting.